Laurin Mayeno, co-founder of Somos Familia, an organization based in the Bay Area that works with Latino families of LGBT children and founder of Out Proud Families, an organization that shares stories by mixed race families, knows what it is like to be a single mom with a gay son. Her son's father died while she was pregnant. Mayeno faced raising an LGBT child in a non-accepting world. Actually at that time she wasn't sure what her son's future would be, or how he would identify, but she did experience isolating, negative comments from some of the people around her as well as the bullying and teasing that her son battled especially in middle school. The path she forged, led by a heart and spirit that insisted on giving her son unconditional love, made her see the lack of resources, space, good advice and community that parents of LGBT children desperately needed. That is why she co-founded Somos Familia and has shared her family's story with her son's permission. Somos Familia gives parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender children in the Latino community an opportunity to reflect on the experience of raising their children and a chance to connect.
More and more, people are making the connection that diverse families, those of whatever shape headed by LGBT individuals, or couples as well as those comprised of non-LGBT individuals or couples with LGBT children need support, access, equality and justice at all parts of the spectrum and across generations. Many parents have had to find ways to respond to the transphobic and homophobic world around them that threatened the health of their children and their families. Laurin’s recent piece, posted on her Out Proud Families blog, quotes Andrea, a mother of transgender child, "It is hard to have expectations of family members and friends who aren’t ready to accept what we are going through. If we give time after bringing information or love to the people around, it helps us and them to transform." Diana, a Mexican American woman, also shared the following: "My ex-husband’s father was horrible when a cousin that came out. With my son, he’s a totally different person. My brother in law was a little old school too, but he has come around. I’m so glad that that’s the reaction I got from them.”
One of the parents, Mirna Medina shares sentiments about what the journey has been like for her; "“Once I cleared up my own confusion, I was able to speak out proudly and challenge negative comments in the community," she said about raising her bisexual son.
The combined effect of the voices demonstrate that diverse families of whatever structure (LGBT parents, straight and cisgender parents of LGBT youth, single parents, grandparents, guardians, etc.,) need support from policies that contribute to their well-being.
As we ask LGBT allies to speak up (see the GLAAD #GotYourBack campaign), it is great to be able to point to resources for those who are not LGBT that give them tools to communicate and connect with others. This can only increase acceptance.
You can read excerpts from the blog below and the full version here.
Mirna Medina:“Having a bisexual son has been a liberating process for me. He helped me understand that bisexual people are not confused – being bisexual is about the capacity to love, regardless of a person’s sex. I used to have some judgments about transgender people. I learned about the marginalization they experience and realized how much courage it takes to be who they are. This allowed me to develop empathy and compassion.”
Andrea (mother of a transgender daughter): “The human connections that happen when you have to deeply connect with your child to figure out what is happening… It was so different than things I had learned previously… I had to question myself in order to understand my child…Observing my child, hugging my child, helped me overcome all of that fear. I began to understand the world in a different way. One day Joel (from Gender Spectrum) was explaining how gender was a social construction….I began to understand that it isn’t just gender. We live in a social construction that is built by others. Seeing this social construction began to make sense for me, began to transform my entire life, the way I live, the decisions I made, the expectations I was raised with and began to put on my children. It brought about a larger opportunity to understand and see the world…Instead of the thousands of rules that I lived by, it got down to one – my love for my child and my family. Everything transformed from there. We are all afraid of change some times. More than change, it was transformation. I transformed into new thoughts, beliefs and understanding.”
Hazel Sarah Batilides: “He delights me. I often say, yes, my son I gay, but he is so much more than that; he is son, brother, nephew, grandchild, straight A student, and potential star – who happens to be gay… He contacted many theatres in Johannesburg with a view to volunteer backstage, as his passion is for musical theatre. He was turned down by them all. He then found a gay restaurant that puts on drag shows and wrote them. They snatched him up and he assists with costume changes backstage. I go every week with him (who’d want to miss all that action?!). We have a blast every Friday night and have met amazing people since! The point is this; had Alexi still been in the closet we would both have been missing out on these wonderful times together. He trusted me enough, was brave enough to come out and we are enjoying this journey together…By lifting the lid on his status, he has truly allowed the sunshine into our lives. He lives a true life, an impassioned life, a life with purpose; and I get to be a part of it!”
Mirna Medina:“Once I cleared up my own confusion, I was able to speak out proudly and challenge negative comments in the community.”
Diana A:“I came from a very tight Mexican family. There are five generations in my family… We were the outcasts because we grew up in a white community. Having a gay child has brought my family closer together….I have an aunt who is gay who just got married. My family never said anything, never criticized. I told my son ‘I don’t want you to ever feel you have to hide anything’ and my family feels the same way. My ex-husband’s father was horrible when a cousin that came out. With my son, he’s a totally different person. My brother in law was a little old school too, but he has come around. I’m so glad that that’s the reaction I got from them.”
Andrea:“Since my child transitioned, the simple word of love is so different for me. I have been able to embrace different people’s lives. Almost every human being is living a parallel world from the others. And I think I couldn’t step into those worlds if it wasn’t what I had learned from my child.… I also learned a lesson of love and forgiveness. It is hard to have expectations of family members and friends who aren’t ready to accept what we are going through. If we give time after bringing information or love to the people around, it helps us and them to transform. I love these people and have welcomed back a lot of people in my life who I felt deeply hurt by, because of what I learned in the process.”